The only silly question is the one not asked...
Questions here answered by Sidtsara and Edited by Amanda...
Is Tantra just about good sex?
I love this question because its the most frequently asked one. The answer is both No and Yes.
In my experience of practicing Tantra for over 25 years, and teaching for 8, what most people are looking for is not just 'good sex' (whatever that means). Rather we are wanting deep connection, loving relationship, intimacy, ease and comfort with ourselves and others. Tantra is all about getting to that place within ourselves. We learn to trust ourselves, and as a result we begin to trust others; we learn to respect and love ourselves and consequently begin to respect others, and learn to love from a deeper place. We engage our heart energy as well as our sex energy, learning to receive as well as give. As if by magic, when two (or three!) people come together from this space good sex seems to happen. Tantra is a journey of deep discovery & transformative truth.
Do I have to have a partner?
Not necessarily, in fact being single allows you the time and space to focus on your own being, your own discoveries and your own healing without having to consider an other. Tantra is transformational and so you will change, (if you find the courage to make the choice), things in your life will change and so if you are in partnership the other will be affected. This can be create a wonderfully deepening experience or a painful separation, or something in between. Either way you will be living more fully from your place of Truth & Love. Truth and love are very attractive qualities, so chances are when you begin to live them, you wont be single for long!!
What if my partner isn't interested in Tantra but I am?
This has always been a difficult one for me to answer as I have two principles that guide my personal being:
1: I dont intentionally mess with people's emotions.
2: I never get involved in other people's relationships.
Yet, in the work I do with people, I know I am involved in their relationships, and so my professional principle would be my intention to support growth, development and transition in self and relationship.
And so my questions to you would be around how you want the work with tantra to support you in the transition. I would add that each change you face is a choice, and that it will affect others in your life. Part of this work is about responsibilities. We explore what are truly OURS and what we just take on unnecessarily. This brings often brings realistions and relief.
This work can take you closer in relationship and can also help you realise what pieces are missing. Thats when you can make the choice whether you think the pieces are worth finding to enjoy the bigger picture, or whether you bring the new pieces of yourself into a different picture. Either way the tapestry of truth is a richer experience than a picture painted with lies.
Do I have to believe in some religion?
No. Tantra means different things to different people, and has been used by Buddhists/Taoists and other spiritually aspiring people as a way to enlightenment or longevity. Here we believe only in Truth, Love and Openness to learning. That said, it is amazing how many people develop some sort of experiential belief in something bigger than themselves - call it an energy, nature, source,The Universe, God, The Divine.
My understanding of that is that when we let go of all the conditioning of societal expectation, the pain and hurt, the expectations and judgments, we sink into a deeper innate part of ourselves, which is our own inner Spirit, Love, Goddess, Divine. Through this delicious discovery we can experience ourselves as part of something exciting, alive, nurturing, nourishing, holding,loving, blissful - we are part of the same - Oneness.
I do not like my body. Is it necessary to be naked?
This is a great question because a lot of our practices are body based, and this is because our bodies are the vessels through which we express our internal being, and so when we do not like our bodies it is a reflection of our dislike of something deeper within ourselves. We invite you to face your fears, touching the edges and softening with awareness, acceptance, release and loving kindness. Only then will you see beyond your embarrassments, judgement, fears.
We will go beyond the limitations of the mind, which is the source of criticism, fear etc and work with healing the child within. This is then reflected on the outside with confidence and celebration.
EVERYTHING WE OFFER IS ALWAYS AN INVITATION ONLY - NEVER AN INSTRUCTION - YOUR RIGHT TO DECLINE IS WELCOMED AND RESPECTED
In Disrobing Ceremonies we can begin removing clothes as a symbol of peeling away layers of inhibitions, conditioning, masks and fears that prevent us from showing ourselves fully, openly, truthfully - warts and all... The path to Living our Truth.
For some people it is a slow process and that's OK. Others begin wanting to be naked, then realise that the self they're showing is not their truth, rather the performer personality they've taken on in order to be accepted and loved. It is not unusual for people to dip in and out of nakedness in their search for deeper knowing of themselves.
I am gay. I believe that you work with masculine and feminine principles. What does that mean and would it help me?
Absolutely! Tantra works on many different levels and includes such thinks as masc/fem polarities, gender roles/ sexuality, which includes orientation. It works on the mind, body and spirit. It works on beliefs and experiences. It helps develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, our way of being in the world. It can show us the hows and whys - then allows us to make informed choices.
With regard to the masculine/feminine principles the work we do is around balancing these energies which both exist in each of us. We look at the masculine energy/expression of outward action and the female energy of receptivity, which is played out in both homo and hetero sexual activity. We reclaim both energies within us and so men are encouraged to be their feminine principle as well as their masculine; likewise women find their strength by the integration of feminine and masculine principles.
Tantra is not about 'who' we choose to enjoy the sex act with, but rather, 'how' ~ tantra allows the emergence of deeper intimacy, respect, and love which we each have to offer and receive in relationship regardless or sexual orientation and expression.
Sexual Dysfunction/Disability/Ageing.
I have many questions around Erectile dysfunction/Premature Ejaculation/Vaginismus/Ageing/menopause and post surgery/disability.
The main points to cover are that sex and intimacy are not one of the same; each has different meaning and value to each of us. Society teaches us that sex means a certain thing i.e. proof of masculinity, or love. This is not so. We have learned to identify with our ability to perform, and so when some change happens that we are no longer able to do this we feel we have lost something, our man-ness, our feminity, our role, our duty even. We then naively believe this to be true and it begins to affect us even more negatively. We begin to fear the fear. What we don't realise is that these changes are in fact a blessing in disguise. If we are open to exploring different ways of experiencing sexual arousal - without the goal of ejaculation or orgasm as we once understood it (e.g. clitoral), we can deepen our experience and enjoy full body non ejaculatory orgasms. Now they are blissful!!
Quite often through simple exploration we can remove the misconceptions, false beliefs, the fear, the pressure... and then what was perceived as a difficulty or problem often disappears too.
NB In ageing, we can develop a deeper sense of togetherness, intimacy and prolonged pleasure in many wonderful ways. I've heard it said 'Why did we bother with all that sex stuff before. This is real hot loving!' (Billy & Jean, aged 63). WOW, that's beautiful.
End Note...
When I was 14 a teacher said to me, and I quote "It would make your life and my job a lot easier if you stopped asking questions" I never did! And so I encourage you to explore and discover yourself by asking your own questions.
We welcome your personal questions and will endeavor to answer them within 2 weeks. Please email them via the CONTACT page.
Thank you,
Sidtsara & Amanda
Is Tantra just about good sex?
I love this question because its the most frequently asked one. The answer is both No and Yes.
In my experience of practicing Tantra for over 25 years, and teaching for 8, what most people are looking for is not just 'good sex' (whatever that means). Rather we are wanting deep connection, loving relationship, intimacy, ease and comfort with ourselves and others. Tantra is all about getting to that place within ourselves. We learn to trust ourselves, and as a result we begin to trust others; we learn to respect and love ourselves and consequently begin to respect others, and learn to love from a deeper place. We engage our heart energy as well as our sex energy, learning to receive as well as give. As if by magic, when two (or three!) people come together from this space good sex seems to happen. Tantra is a journey of deep discovery & transformative truth.
Do I have to have a partner?
Not necessarily, in fact being single allows you the time and space to focus on your own being, your own discoveries and your own healing without having to consider an other. Tantra is transformational and so you will change, (if you find the courage to make the choice), things in your life will change and so if you are in partnership the other will be affected. This can be create a wonderfully deepening experience or a painful separation, or something in between. Either way you will be living more fully from your place of Truth & Love. Truth and love are very attractive qualities, so chances are when you begin to live them, you wont be single for long!!
What if my partner isn't interested in Tantra but I am?
This has always been a difficult one for me to answer as I have two principles that guide my personal being:
1: I dont intentionally mess with people's emotions.
2: I never get involved in other people's relationships.
Yet, in the work I do with people, I know I am involved in their relationships, and so my professional principle would be my intention to support growth, development and transition in self and relationship.
And so my questions to you would be around how you want the work with tantra to support you in the transition. I would add that each change you face is a choice, and that it will affect others in your life. Part of this work is about responsibilities. We explore what are truly OURS and what we just take on unnecessarily. This brings often brings realistions and relief.
This work can take you closer in relationship and can also help you realise what pieces are missing. Thats when you can make the choice whether you think the pieces are worth finding to enjoy the bigger picture, or whether you bring the new pieces of yourself into a different picture. Either way the tapestry of truth is a richer experience than a picture painted with lies.
Do I have to believe in some religion?
No. Tantra means different things to different people, and has been used by Buddhists/Taoists and other spiritually aspiring people as a way to enlightenment or longevity. Here we believe only in Truth, Love and Openness to learning. That said, it is amazing how many people develop some sort of experiential belief in something bigger than themselves - call it an energy, nature, source,The Universe, God, The Divine.
My understanding of that is that when we let go of all the conditioning of societal expectation, the pain and hurt, the expectations and judgments, we sink into a deeper innate part of ourselves, which is our own inner Spirit, Love, Goddess, Divine. Through this delicious discovery we can experience ourselves as part of something exciting, alive, nurturing, nourishing, holding,loving, blissful - we are part of the same - Oneness.
I do not like my body. Is it necessary to be naked?
This is a great question because a lot of our practices are body based, and this is because our bodies are the vessels through which we express our internal being, and so when we do not like our bodies it is a reflection of our dislike of something deeper within ourselves. We invite you to face your fears, touching the edges and softening with awareness, acceptance, release and loving kindness. Only then will you see beyond your embarrassments, judgement, fears.
We will go beyond the limitations of the mind, which is the source of criticism, fear etc and work with healing the child within. This is then reflected on the outside with confidence and celebration.
EVERYTHING WE OFFER IS ALWAYS AN INVITATION ONLY - NEVER AN INSTRUCTION - YOUR RIGHT TO DECLINE IS WELCOMED AND RESPECTED
In Disrobing Ceremonies we can begin removing clothes as a symbol of peeling away layers of inhibitions, conditioning, masks and fears that prevent us from showing ourselves fully, openly, truthfully - warts and all... The path to Living our Truth.
For some people it is a slow process and that's OK. Others begin wanting to be naked, then realise that the self they're showing is not their truth, rather the performer personality they've taken on in order to be accepted and loved. It is not unusual for people to dip in and out of nakedness in their search for deeper knowing of themselves.
I am gay. I believe that you work with masculine and feminine principles. What does that mean and would it help me?
Absolutely! Tantra works on many different levels and includes such thinks as masc/fem polarities, gender roles/ sexuality, which includes orientation. It works on the mind, body and spirit. It works on beliefs and experiences. It helps develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, our way of being in the world. It can show us the hows and whys - then allows us to make informed choices.
With regard to the masculine/feminine principles the work we do is around balancing these energies which both exist in each of us. We look at the masculine energy/expression of outward action and the female energy of receptivity, which is played out in both homo and hetero sexual activity. We reclaim both energies within us and so men are encouraged to be their feminine principle as well as their masculine; likewise women find their strength by the integration of feminine and masculine principles.
Tantra is not about 'who' we choose to enjoy the sex act with, but rather, 'how' ~ tantra allows the emergence of deeper intimacy, respect, and love which we each have to offer and receive in relationship regardless or sexual orientation and expression.
Sexual Dysfunction/Disability/Ageing.
I have many questions around Erectile dysfunction/Premature Ejaculation/Vaginismus/Ageing/menopause and post surgery/disability.
The main points to cover are that sex and intimacy are not one of the same; each has different meaning and value to each of us. Society teaches us that sex means a certain thing i.e. proof of masculinity, or love. This is not so. We have learned to identify with our ability to perform, and so when some change happens that we are no longer able to do this we feel we have lost something, our man-ness, our feminity, our role, our duty even. We then naively believe this to be true and it begins to affect us even more negatively. We begin to fear the fear. What we don't realise is that these changes are in fact a blessing in disguise. If we are open to exploring different ways of experiencing sexual arousal - without the goal of ejaculation or orgasm as we once understood it (e.g. clitoral), we can deepen our experience and enjoy full body non ejaculatory orgasms. Now they are blissful!!
Quite often through simple exploration we can remove the misconceptions, false beliefs, the fear, the pressure... and then what was perceived as a difficulty or problem often disappears too.
NB In ageing, we can develop a deeper sense of togetherness, intimacy and prolonged pleasure in many wonderful ways. I've heard it said 'Why did we bother with all that sex stuff before. This is real hot loving!' (Billy & Jean, aged 63). WOW, that's beautiful.
End Note...
When I was 14 a teacher said to me, and I quote "It would make your life and my job a lot easier if you stopped asking questions" I never did! And so I encourage you to explore and discover yourself by asking your own questions.
We welcome your personal questions and will endeavor to answer them within 2 weeks. Please email them via the CONTACT page.
Thank you,
Sidtsara & Amanda